8 Thoughts About That Moncler Store Robbery in Washington, DC That Confused Me

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(Screenshot: @WashingtonianProbs)

One of my favorite Instagram accounts is Washingtonian Problems (@washingtonianprobs). It’s one of those accounts that tirelessly posts articles, memes, and news about all manner of shenanigans and goofs around the Washington, DC area (some of you and some of us refer to it as a DMV; I hate that term). . It’s not a news account, but you can catch up on a lot of things happening around town by clicking the follow button (for the record, I’m not affiliated with it). I’m sure most major cities have some sort of (if not multiple) social media accounts doing the same thing.

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So why am I sharing something on this social media account that doesn’t belong to me? Well, this morning, while doing my usual Instagram rounds, I happened to stumble across a post about a robbery that happened at the Moncler store in CityCenterDC on Wednesday night. CityCenterDC is this mixed use area near Chinatown with offices, condos and many high end retail stores like Louis Vuitton, Hermes, Boss, Burberry etc. And of course a Moncler store.

Moncler, as you may know, is a clothing brand, but most of us who know Moncler know them for their winter coats. Apparently – I don’t own one (yet) – they’re a favorite winter coat for those with the best disposable income. For example, I went to their website and looked up outerwear, sorted from lowest to highest price, and the lowest priced item starts at $770. As I said, beaucoup disposable income. So one could understand that if you really want a Moncler jacket and don’t have a beaucoup disposable income you might have to criminalize it to get it, which brings us back to our Wednesday night heist. To fully understand my confusion and the source of my questions, you REALLY need to watch this 15 second or so clip, the second slide to this Washingtonian Problems post.

I have questions and I’m sure you do. Let’s ask them together!

1. What the hell is happening here? This is the quietest heist I’ve ever seen.

When I saw the post about a robbery at the Moncler store, I pretty much assumed it was a robbery. But then I read about the time it happened and I was like, “Wait, it was OPEN back then.” So these people were crashing and packing during work hours? But it’s not even that. I’ve never seen a robbery where people knew they were being robbed so casually. And that’s not to say I’ve seen heaps of robberies – although I’ve seen more than my fair share – but this is more… controlled?

2. Did the robbers want to rob Moncler that day?

Look at how the woman is dressed; this is NOT robbery clothing. I can’t tell what the guy walking out is wearing, but it doesn’t look like he’s wearing black Air Force 1s. Her outfit and club (more on that later) somehow make it look like they might have gone out to dinner and might even have held hands and sung songs during their walk along the boardwalk Encanto, then looked at Moncler, then looked at each other and said, “Robbery? Robbery.”

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3. Were staff and shoppers held in check with clubs???

As the loudly dressed robber continued her heist and walked out the door, she sprayed mace at a very pissed off employee(?) or “security guard”. Was that all it took to run up there and come out with tens of thousands of dollars worth of merchandise? morning star?

4. Where was the security?

So that’s one of those questions that really needs to be answered. I’ve been to CityCenter many times, and while maybe not every store has Seal Team 6 on guard, I feel like most stores have some form of security; It’s a high-end shopping district and so on. But again, this wasn’t a gun robbery; That was a couple who ran in there and took shit off the shelves and then… left. Pissed off shop clerk smashed the glass and ran after them kinda kinda but how was there NO security anywhere? In stores whose inventory must probably be worth over $100,000? I think we call that a blind spot.

5. Was that an inside job?

I mean, the question has to be asked, right? This shit is too… calm and relaxed. The robbers didn’t even look professional. The woman, AGAIN, was not criminally dressed for anyone. She wore a conspicuous yellow hat. Thank goodness she wore a mask — I guess Mayor Bowser’s mask duty works — but anyone who saw her afterward would remember seeing her because she was dressed in flashy shit and had a bunch of shit in her hand and … “went briskly. ” If you found out today that the whole thing was a setup, would you be surprised? I would not.

6. Who filmed? You have nerves of steel.

So, I know we all pull out our phones when weird things happen these days, but do you know how daunting the consequences must be when you pull out your phone and record people robbing a store? This leads me to believe that no weapon was present. Maybe the guy had the hammer so the filmmaker waited for him to leave, but we even get the close-ups at one point. The phone didn’t even bounce up and down. I’m just saying – film a robbery in peace? Not typical, Fam. Not typical.

7. Did the robber really get a yellow jacket to match her headscarf?

It’s been a while since I’ve committed a robbery (just kidding, I would never, well I suppose I shouldn’t say never; let’s move on), but right now people are really making decisions about what is stolen? I really want my robbers to intervene here; Do you go in and stand there and think about it and look for specific items? Or do you go back to pull that thing you noticed out of the corner of your eye like she did? It seemed like they had some pretty good loot already, but I suppose if you really don’t care about getting caught, you get what you want, not just what you can get. Phew, Chile.

8. Is Store Employee Dude still employed?

I really want to know. Real talk, I almost went there today just to be messy. Then I realized I didn’t want to buy anything and I’m sure they’re on high alert now so I decided against it and bought a six roll of tape from Amazon.


Panama Jackson theGrio

Panama Jackson is a columnist at theGrio. He writes very black stuff and drinks very brown liquors and is pretty quick for a light fellow. His biggest achievement to date coincides with his blackest achievement to date, as he received a call from Oprah Winfrey after she read one of his plays (biggest), but he didn’t answer the phone because the caller ID was “Unknown” (blackest) was ).

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