Inflation is rising as are homicides, swarms of migrants are crossing the border illegally, and with Russia poised to invade Ukraine, the best President Biden can do is tell Americans there to run for their lives. Even our Olympic athletes have medal fever.
The bad news is piling up by the day, leading a growing chorus to conclude that Biden is the worst president ever. Rest in peace, Jimmy Carter!
The White House is a bubble, but it too cannot escape the national mood of fear and revulsion. So one has to wonder how Biden himself is taking the daily drumbeat of decline and despair.
Ask and you will get. Thanks to the help of a fly on the wall and what we know from the President’s erratic public behavior, that’s how it must be when the President is faced with the latest evidence that his presidency is a disaster.
Set the stage
On this day, the economic team bears the burden of breaking bad news first. The latest inflation figure has just come out and it’s gone through the roof, 7.5% year on year, pushing up the price of everything. As economic advisers in the Oval Office begin to spell out the details, Biden, who appeared to be half asleep, is suddenly filled with anger.
“You’re a wise guy,” he snaps at one of the letters. “I know the damn numbers, so don’t rub it in. Just give me something to say.”
The room is silent until local diva Susan Rice shows up with an idea. “You could just say it’s all down the supply chain and then say they’re going to work hard to fix gas prices. I mean, I just filled up my tank and paid for it the other day. . .”
Vice President Kamala Harris nods in agreement, then realizes she doesn’t know where Rice is going and lets out a loud cackle that’s as pleasant as fingers on a slate.
Biden’s eyes dart bullets at her as he mutters, “Why? Why she?”
Chief flak interceptor Jen Psaki, trying to get back to the point, makes an edit proposal to the President: “Say you’re going to work like hell to fix this.”
“Fix what, you stupid son of a bitch?” he barks. Psaki’s face turns red, but she stays on point.
“Just say you’re going to work like hell to bring gas prices down,” she manages to reply.
10 of the top US government officials fell silent and stared at their shoes for what seemed like forever until Biden nodded and said, “Yes, put that on the teleprompter. That’s it, I’ll fight like hell to bring gas prices down.” He repeats the line three times, becoming more insistent with each rehearsal.
Phew – problem solved. Chief of Staff Ron Klain stands and motions for everyone to leave quickly. If the President can stick to the script for that one sentence, the media will have the quote of the day, if not an answer to the gas price problem.
Also, Klain isn’t worried about the White House press corps. Most are friendlies and don’t even ask about the non-stop polls showing how the country has overwhelmingly turned against Biden. It’s a gift because Klain doesn’t have a good answer.
When they are alone, Biden tells Klain he wants to take a nap, but Klain says it’s not time. Biden grumbles as the foreign policy team, led by Secretary of State Antony Blinken, enters the oval.
Biden does not recognize him at first, then suspects John Kerry.
Blinken frowns and introduces himself for the millionth time and, flanked by generals, begins talking about Russian forces on Ukraine’s borders, but Biden doesn’t want to hear it. Angry about something, he looks at General Mark Milley, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and says sharply, “I oppose it. You are wrong. What we did in Afghanistan was the wisest course of action.”
Milley is stunned. For months he and the White House debated the Army’s classified report on what had gone wrong in Afghanistan and why everyone was surprised by the speed of the Taliban takeover. Biden had agreed that the State Department would be slow to pull our citizens and allies out, but now that the report is public, the President is switching sides and hanging Milley out to dry.
The general begins to answer, but Blinken interrupts him. As much as he wants Biden Milley to snap a new one, he needs to focus on Ukraine lest it become another Afghanistan.
“Mr. President,” he begins, “we believe that Putin will invade any day now. At the very least, we have to do something about all the Americans trapped there.”
Biden looks into the distance and says, “Let me tell you about the Soviet Union,” and starts rambling on about Nikita Khrushchev and the Cuban Missile Crisis. “I told JFK we should have nuclear bombed Cuba, but he wouldn’t listen,” Biden said. “Have I ever told you how he made me his secret emissary for Castro?”
A younger assistant, inexperienced in BidenSpeak, jumps in and says, “I thought it was Golda Meir who made you a secret emissary.”
The President looks confused, then recovers and says, “It was both of them.”
Blinken, rattled by the pressure and frustrated by Biden’s hesitation, tries to get him back on point.
“Mr. President, what are we saying to the Americans in Ukraine? We must have something to say.”
Angry at being forced to make a difficult decision, Biden yells at Blinken. “How the hell am I supposed to know? this is your job Tell them they’re on their own. They brought themselves to Ukraine, they can get themselves out again.”
Klain immediately gets up, tells Blinken, “You have your answer,” and leads everyone to the door, claiming the President has a busy schedule and not a minute left for Ukraine.
As the door closes behind them, Klain tells Biden he can take his nap now. “From here we take over as always,” he says.
When he gets to the door, he looks back to say something else and realizes that the 46th President is already asleep.
Leave this work undone
“Our job is not done yet. That’s why I’m running for re-election.”
So says Rep. Ilhan Omar, she of The Squad and the anti-Semitic caucus.
Her logic for re-election — the work is not done yet — is reminiscent of what candidate Ed Koch said when Mayor Abe Beame was seeking re-election during the city’s financial crisis.
Beame said he wanted to quit the job, to which Koch said, “Quit the job? Hasn’t he already done enough?”
Need the jab to shoot up?
Reader Harold Theurer, whose BS detector is firmly in place, writes: “With NYC opening up heroin rest stops, I wonder if addicts, pardon, ‘guests’, will be required to show proof of vaccination before entering. After all, I have to show proof at the pizza shop around the corner to order a piece to go.”