GREG GUTFELD: Joe Biden is dividing America instead of uniting it

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So on this Labor Day, while the rest of us are barbecuing or having a picnic, or if you’re me, barbecuing a picnic, what’s our President up to?

Was he busy calming the country down after last week’s speech? You remember that speech, don’t you? Here’s a clip. [Video] Yes. Now you’re thinking he might want to make up for the damage he’s done with a few words of unification for the holidays. But you would be wrong.

GREG GUTFELD: THE MEDIA BURIED REAL STORIES AND STRENGTHENED FALSE

Instead, he tweeted this. He said Old Joe says “MAGA proposals are a threat to the soul of the country.” So he does this over a holiday. You know, I would say he’s not musical, but he can’t hear me. So MAGA suggestions. What could that mean? I mean, it sounds kind of fun.

DONALD TRUMP: We had one of the most successful presidencies in history, including an economy that was the envy of the world. Many Thanks.

[Skit]

My advice to Trump, because I know he’s watching, you need to add that to the rallies, MAGA proposals, MAGA weddings. And if it doesn’t work. MAGA divorces. Although the battle over who gets the Mypillow could get ugly.

So as we delve deeper into crime and inflation, Joe is fixated on MAGA, MAGA, MAGA. Everything is MAGA, including his gibberish. This guy sprays more garbage than a broken trash compactor. But I’m wondering if his name is Joe Biden and is he still Jill Biden’s husband?

JOE BIDEN: My name is Joe Biden. I’m Jill Biden’s husband. And I want to start by saying that every kid under the age of 12 deserves a little extra ice cream or something in return. This must be the most boring thing in the world for you, honey.

honey honey. Hold on, ponytail puller. keep your distance You know, it’s funny, Joe’s rallies are the only places the Secret Service protects people from him. She? But look, everyone has the right to be an idiot.

JOE BIDEN: You see, everyone has the right to be an idiot.

I think he found his campaign slogan for 2024. But what about those extreme MAGA Republicans? I bet they don’t just threaten our privacy and economic security.

JOE BIDEN: Extreme MAGA Republicans not only threaten our personal rights and our economic security. They advocate political violence.

Yes, they welcome political violence, says the guy who hid like a caked sock under a bed during the George Floyd riots. He’s like a crunchy sock. But at least we beat Pharma.

JOE BIDEN: We beat Pharma this year. We beat Pharma this year and that was important. We will change people’s lives.

Oh dear God. He should tell Pharma they’ve been beaten while counting the trillions of dollars plus in revenue they made last year thanks to Biden. Well, at least he’s done with those extreme MAGA Republicans, right?

JOE BIDEN: The extreme MAGA Republicans in Congress have chosen to backtrack. Full of anger, violence, hate and division.

Fury. Force. To hate. Division. You know, I don’t think he likes us. Anyway, faced with bad news, Joe tries to bury her with fear. He’s like a guy trying to cover up a bald spot with spray paint, just like Jesse Watters. So now it’s a civil war for the soul of a nation. But what is it, Joe?

[Skit]

Unfortunately, he’s not the only one trying to ignite a phantom civil war. Our so-called historians have gone from historical to hysterical. First, this donkey suggested Trump be executed for treason, which should be enough to mislead this guy. But he can’t stop.

MSNBC GUEST: Certainly, for many Americans throughout American history, there has been a specter of violence. And in 1860 a national civil war. But you didn’t have an ex-president or a president calling for it. Same thing in the 1930s, there were fascist leaders. This is the first time in American history that we have someone who was a former President of the United States.

You have to give him credit. He beat the Civil War and Hitler in a comparison. Too bad he left out bin Laden and Freddy Krueger. Any historian, but he is not alone. I wonder if this idiot has the upper hand over the ultra-right MAGA contingent.

CNN GUEST: There is a far-right MAGA contingent in this country that wants to overthrow the US government, that despises our institutions, our constitutional foundations, because they believe and adhere to a deep state conspiracy.

Well, I assumed historians should write about the Civil War, not promote it. It wasn’t a staid job before, someone with glasses, a tweed jacket with suede patches on the elbows and smoking a pipe. Now they are as unbalanced as Paul Pelosi taking a field sobriety test. They are little girls on Twitter. What world do these people live in? Do they ever go outside or are they nocturnal like raccoons? So if you see one outside during the day, it means they are rabid. But the media is also with him.

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MSNBC: These days it feels as if we are not only on the brink of a civil war, but that one has already begun. Trump supporters are already speaking the language of violence.

What a funhouse mirror to reality. These freaks accuse you of civil war if you just want a civilian life. No wonder they can’t produce any evidence. But Joe would like you to think it was 1864, which was the last year he had a solid bowel movement. But, you know what? I listen to Bill Burr.

BILL BURR: People get their information from the internet. So they think a lot of people, you know, when you go on the internet, they all look like they’re angry. But you go outside and walk around, they don’t just walk around yelling at each other. That – I think the internet is like an abusive relationship.

Well, he’s not the first to say this, but it’s worth noting that entire industries have invested in these psychological war games. But it’s all in their heads, mainly because there’s not much else in there and there’s no war with your neighbors. Unless it’s a shootout in Chicago.

TRUE. There’s violence on the city streets, but that doesn’t bother the politicians, after all they’re surrounded by more security guards than the Pope, who runs into the Vatican Costco for tube socks. That was strange. I would wish for tube socks as long as they are not caked.

Okay, so they claim it’s a war for the soul of America. But we know better. We depend on the constitution, not the soul. We are not interested in overthrowing anything but the tippers, the people who want to change the constitution, the people who use government agencies against you, the leaders who use the same agencies to protect their criminal relatives.

We’re not the radicals here because I’m not trying to change things I love, be it my country or my underwear. And it’s true. I’ve been wearing these boxer shorts since July 4th.

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